Cowboy Wisdom

~ Making Wise Decisions

I frequently share conversations with a good friend and peer in the Coaching industry. On one occasion she was experiencing some emotional distress over a particular “relationship” issue and finally shared that she had made a decision and felt confident she could just move forward once that decision had been made. A couple of weeks later, another issue cropped up in her life and after some deep assessment of her options, once again shared with me that she had made a decision
and felt confident she could easily move forward now that her decision was made.

Watching her go through a particular process, bringing her to these concrete decisions, I was fascinated at how quickly she was able to move out of anxiety and frustration to a calm commitment with each decision. I quickly made a “decision” that a results-oriented process must be added to my current program. My own decision, then, requires that I step outside my own comfort zone, and modify my four-dimensions of success to include this obviously powerful practice. Now that the decision has been made, I can move forward with a renewed confidence that I will accomplish my intention.

Decision-making feels to me much like a marriage of psychology and neuroscience - over choices as simple as whether we want chocolate or vanilla ice cream or some monumental life change. At one level, decision-making is a simple computation made in our minds, much like a computer, but unlike our techno counterparts, our brains seem naturally inclined to fix more predominately on the primary goals of survival and reproduction. However, because we also tend to draw on memories that impact the choices we make, over time, this marriage causes the mind to adapt and become increasingly more efficient. Our choices ultimately tend to become responses to “anticipated” outcomes, based on experience and memory.

Watching in fascination as my colleague consistently practiced her “process”, I was reminded of one of the tools I have always used with a client who may be in limbo about making a choice. It was a process that my grandfather taught me when I was just barely four years old! Living on a ranch, and being sent out to play because a new sister had just come on the scene, I would spend hours in his care, mostly listening to his wisdom. One day, he was obviously upset about something, and we sat down on a fence rail while he talked through the pros and cons of the issue before him. I don’t really know if he was trying to plant seeds in my four year old mind, or if he was simply thinking out loud as he questioned what “choices” he had before him, and what the pros and cons of each possible decision would be.

At some point, he jumped down off the fence, picked up a stick and began marking his thoughts in the crusted Wyoming ground – drawing a large T and making notes on each side. He would jot down a word, ponder it for a while and put either an X or an O to the side. After quite some time, he began counting the number of those markings, stood up, dusted off the red clay dust that had covered his hands and faded blue jeans, and promptly announced that he really only had one “good” choice to make! I think what I learned, and held in my subconscious all these years, is that there is not always a global reason for making a particular decision; the fact is – a particular path is important on an individual basis and that reality remains, regardless of what others think. The lesson: we must make the assessment of the choices before us, based on our individual needs and responsibilities, and once we make that judgment, we must act upon our decision and move forward!

This process of critical thinking is intended to help us improve our reasoning about what to believe and about what to do. Because it is easier to trust your "gut feelings" more than you trust any analytical method that requires a systematic and mathematical comparative assessment of competing actions that satisfy multiple criteria – too many decisions are made from an intuitive position. Although there is much to be said for intuitive decision making, when backed by a history of actions that support a particular intuition, I would be inclined to say it is not the norm. I believe my grandfather had a more calculated approach that warranted him many rewards:

• He openly defined the problem, and considered the general purpose of his decision.

• He sought clarity – embracing the goals or objectives that he wanted to accomplish.

• He created a visual “criteria overview” to assess at a deeper level the relative importance of the goal - and his choices.

• Using his little T-Square in the sand, he was able to creatively generate alternatives, and identify the possible courses of action that might accomplish his desired result.

• At some point, he counted enough as enough, and confidently made a decision about which he could be passionate and was willing to invest his every resource.

For some reason, even as a child I was able to capture the essence of this process, and understood how he ultimately picked the alternative with the highest expected value and made a decision based on wise, studied calculation, not on subjective emotional reactions. Did he already have a gut reaction or was he experiencing a strong intuition? I will never know; I was more fascinated with his “process” and the conviction which emanated from him following his decision!

I hope you have a “wise cowboy” somewhere in your life; someone who will help you begin the process of change and innovation decision-making. If not… stay tuned, and until the muses join me again, I encourage you to engage in positive, life-altering activities that provide you with sustainable, long-term benefits!

Women's Wisdom Circles